scattered thoughts

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why do you fail to understand me? i'm not who you want me to be; i'm just me. experiences, knowledge and nurture shaped me. they say the grass is greener on the other side - it always looks greener on your side and every time; i take a step towards it; i realise i'm just sinking in a greener illusion. can't we compromise and meet midway? the green seems more neutral there. maybe we're just meant to bypass each other and not to stay too long; maybe the meeting is just an encounter of the many more that await us individually.

the colonised persona

you aspire towards their ambitions and goals/ like they'll make you superior because in your mindset you're inferior/

you think you want to become like them/ be liberated in their illusionary world.

then you take a step forward with them and another one too/ steps towards supposed enlightenment; towards them/

when all you've done is forsaken the true enlightment.

a year or two later/maybe never/ all dependant on the will of the Almighty/

when you are guided/ if you are guided/ and when you reflect in hindsight/

you realise all you were attempting to be

was a colonised persona/

Frantz Fanon in his famous analysis of colonialism has brought out the condition of colonised minds.

"Those who internalise the colonial mentality", writes Fanon, " suffer a sys­tematic negation of personhood.

Colonialism forces the people it dominates to ask them­selves the question constantly. 'In reality who am I?'

The defensive attitude created by this violent bringing together of the colonised man and the colonial system

form themselves into a structure which then reveals the colonised personality,".1

maghrib; the sunset; when all succumbs to the will of He; surrendering to the timely order of purity.

how i wonder the dust of dusk desert would have felt in the arabian nights;

when bilal (radiallahuanhu) would call to the Lord of the Universe;

when the beloved (sallahualayhiwasalaam) would grace the companions with his fragrance;

when the dust would be honoured with his (sallahu alayhiwasalaam)'s presence.

i wonder. i wonder

united in the blessed union sprinkled with the blessings of heavens and earths; those of love and mercy placed between us by the Divine.

the fifty percent of my hundred that i strive towards, he gives me the bonus points i need. wrapped in divine grace fearing none but He;

humbling steps towards the higher. his whispers encourage creativity and inspire me in the way of the wayfarer. siding with me in the believer's miraaj; reward seventy times more. half my deen; he'll be half my deen.

blossoming together from buds to the original duo of baraka and love drowned in the manifestation of His Mercy. like spiritual dove like in moonlight with wings of hope and fear in Him.

sparks of loving gazes, thoughts and actions based on the examples of the pious before us; late night words of wisdom we share, snippets of memories that we laugh at, candle light dinners on the floor sunnah style. unconditional for the sake of the One, the Only. 

just when beginning to fly/ he becomes my other wing/ my mujahid fearing none but Allah. like interwined cloaks; garments protecting one another for from his rib was i.

he recites in melodious tones the words of the revelation from our Lord; teaching me things i never knew - benefitting me in ways more than one. never ceasing to amaze me;  

aspiring towards the sacred wisdom together. oasis like; conscious of our simple lives. residing in the hope of He.

for him, i will be most grateful; he is to be my sole soul soldier. comforting like heavenly divinity. celebrating that which Allah has blessed us with. consumed in The Most Merciful's rememberance. deepening of the spirits of marvels that await when marvels we witness in this lowly life amaze us.  

pearls of my imagination lead me to wonder; this decree manifests through His Will only.